The Most Hilarious Stock Market Terms (And Everything Else)

If you have noticed, I have not been writing more often in the past few weeks. I just kept on sharing old articles in social sites just to keep the financial literacy awareness going.

It’s because I have been involved in more financial literacy projects in the Philippines, Saudi Arabia, UAE (Dubai), Singapore, and elsewhere around the world through the help of so many kababayans who are more than willing to volunteer in educating our fellowmen on how to achieve financial independence.

But before I mention a couple of those projects, here’s a dose of stock market investment jokes to perk up your middle of the week as an investor. This has been circulating around the internet community for sometime but it feels great (and crazy) sharing it to my readers. 😀

  • CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  • CFO— Corporate Fraud Officer.
  • BULL MARKET— A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
  • BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
  • VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
  • P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
  • BROKER — What my broker has made me.
  • STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
  • STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
  • STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
  • MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
  • CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
  • INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
  • PROFIT — an archaic word no longer in use.

Cheer up, newbie investor! 😛

Webinars/Webcasts Coming Up!

I’m inviting you to attend our entrep webinar on September 28 with our ever reliable personal finance blogging celebrity Fitz Villafuerte.

This online seminar is cool and fits (Fitz!) those who are based abroad and either wanting to grab business ideas or just expand/grow their existing ventures.

You can get more details of the webinar by clicking on Fitz’ adorable image below. 😀

Fitz Entrep Webinar

See you at the Negosyo 101 webinar on September 28! (You can still access the recorded webinar for your listening and learning pleasure.) :)

I’m Selling Financial Literacy Awareness T-Shirts!

This is actually an idea with fellow volunteers at OFW UsapangPiso Forum back in 2012 and we’re resurrecting the project this year to involve people in spreading financial literacy through printed shirts.

Here are the available designs:

Design 1 – iPhone/iPon

Design 2 – StockChart

Design 3 – Scambuster

The shirts can be bought for P350 for those based in Manila and nearby provinces subject to additional shipping charges.

For OFW’s, you can also order these shirts either individually or by bulk. Of course, we’ll give you discounts for orders that are more than 10 pieces. See the corresponding shipping rates here.

A shirt’s weight is around 0.4kg. For the Large Pouch (local shipping), 2 shirts can fit in while 3 shirts can be stuffed in one XL Pouch.

For orders, you can deposit to my BDO Savings Account, Bernard Y. Gutierrez, SA#6390083725, BDO SM Marikina Branch.

You can also pay with your Credit Card via Paypal. Send your payment to email address

Send an email to for your orders.

Keep on following my programs and activities by subscribing to BurnGutierrez.Com for FREE.

Join the OFW UsapangPiso Facebook Group and Forum to learn how to plan your finances the right way and how to grow your money in various financial instruments and investment vehicles such as stocks, mutual funds, UITF’s, bonds, money market, real estate, and others.

P.S. 1. Bro. Bo Sanchez has appointed me as a coach for our young and new investors at the TrulyRichClub social site. It’s a fun, learning family with the purpose of “helping good people become rich”. I’m inviting you to join the TrulyRichClub too and email me at if you have any questions. Click here to join!